I want to die
Just to be with you again.
Then I remember life’s beauty
And I live to honor you.
I wish for one more day with you,
One more moment to hold you, touch you, kiss you.
Then I realize “one more” would never be enough
And I choose to cherish “the ones” I had.
You invade my every thought.
All I see is your beautiful face, your perfect body
And I long to hold you again…
But instead I must hold onto memories.
I think of all that could have been
All that should have been, with you here…
And my heart breaks without you –
Then your siblings make my heart soar.
I feel such unbearable sorrow
I miss you so –
And I know I’d rather feel that forever
Than to never have known you.
I see families who have not endured this pain.
I envy their pure, unadulterated joy.
Then I realize your life has made my joys bigger, my will stronger
As I rise above the sorrow of your death.
I’d give anything to have you here,
To see your precious face and give you all my love.
Then I remember that love
Is all you ever knew.
I glow with pride as people speak of you
They send you gifts, balloons, notes –
And I smile because you are known to them, part of them, loved by them.
I am so overjoyed to have your siblings in my life
That for a moment I can’t imagine being happier…
Then I think if you were still here
My joy would be uncontainable.
Perhaps we’ll all be together again.
My kids will be reunited,
My husband’s spirit will soar
And finally I will feel whole.
My precious, beloved son,
I will dance with you in Heaven
And I will never let you go.
…For now, sweet baby, I carry you with me.
You are in all I do, all I love, all that I am.
Your life has defined me and we are inseparable.