Infants Remembered In Silence (IRIS) - Stories

My Test of Faith

by Tammy Bradley

My true test of faith came when I was 24 weeks pregnant. That is when I found out that my fourth child, Rebecca, had several birth defects and probably would not live. This news terrified me. For my first child David was stillborn at 38 weeks and my second, Amy, miscarried at 20 weeks. Then the Lord blessed me with a beautiful baby boy we named Wayne. When I lost David I never thought I would lose another child. Then I lost Amy. I knew that I could lose Rebecca. I carried her to term but I feared that, at any time, the doctors would not get a heartbeat.

I was raised in a Christian home and taught to pray for God’s will. I know that the Lord knows what is best, but I could not pray for His will with Rebecca because I was afraid that His will might be to take her. Instead, I prayed, Dear God, please make her OK. Please don’t take my little girl.

Rebecca lived 41 days. During this time, she had many ups and downs. As I watched her fight for her life in the NICU, I realized I was wrong to be so selfish. Then I prayed for God to do His will with Rebecca. She died a couple of days later.

Now I thank God for the time I had with Rebecca. I know I would not have made it without God. I am reminded of the poem, “Footprints.”

During your time of trial and suffering when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you.

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