Infants Remembered In Silence (IRIS) - Poems

On My Silent Playground

By Tracey McClain (Jessica Ferrara's Mom)

On my silent playground there are no sound to hear
No birds happily chirping, no laughter, no swing chains jangling,
Only silence do you hear.
Mind bending, numbing silence.
No it's not raining or a winter's day
That's simply the way it is

On my silent playground there are no colors to see.
No greens, no blues no reds, no color hues
No the sun is not hidden behind a cloud of rain
That's simply the way it is.

On my silent playground there are no children in sight
You look this way and that way
You search high you search low.
You search with all your might.
No the children aren't in school studying to be a
Brilliant person in their field of their choice, they aren't on vacation
Building sand castles or collecting shells in their tiny hands
That's simply the way it is

No On my silent playground it's naked and it's bare.
No swings, no merry-go-rounds, no slides with sand for their feet.
No jungle gyms, no see saw boards
Not even a single tree.
That's simply the way it is

This is what's left of the place that's called my heart
A place where my daughter lived and filled every single spot.
She filled my life with color and sound, with laughter and tears
Shed in happiness to see that one thing she wanted accomplished.
That's simply the way it is

My heart was shattered into a million cutting pieces
Shining hot fragments of dreams and hopes unfulfilled.
With only the memories of my angel to hold and tuck into bed at night.
That's what happened to my playground the day my Angel died
She now is in heaven making the flowers grow
Laughing at the silly birds and counting the stars at night
Playing on the clouds for fun, riding her horse with all her might.
Sending her love on drops of rain to try and easy my pain
But try as she may, it's all in vain.
I want to hold her and comb her beautiful hair.
I want to watch her ride the first time in an arena
I want to watch her as she walked across the stage to graduate
I want to see her hold her new born baby and feel the things I felt
To know what it's like to love with every inch of your being
But I can't
My earth angel is now a heavenly angel
And I don't understand why
I asked someone to explain to me, why my baby had to die
Over and over Iíve asked and got the same reply
That's simply the way it is.

It was all in God's plan
But one day, I will be reunited with my angel and we will be together for eternity
No more pain and no more tears to dim the eye
We'll laugh together and ride together and that my friend
That's simply the way it is.

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