Infants Remembered In Silence (IRIS) - Poems

My Missing Piece

62 years I have been searching for my missing piece-
At 21, they told me it was for the best
I tried so hard to believe
At 21, I cried and they told me I should pull myself together
I tried so hard to believe
I tried so hard to stop
At 21, they told me there would be other children-
I tried so hard to see it their way
At 21, alone, I went on as if nothing had happened.
At 26, there were more children
they said, “See, everything is wonderful.”
I said, “Yes,” and it was, but my piece was still missing
Secretly, I thought I must be a bad mother-
I should be happier.
And so life went-
A creeping sadness I couldn’t shake
62 years I waited for someone to ask and say “How hard for you”
Someone said it and the missing piece has been found, reborn.
My baby, my child, my dreams
You were my first step into believing in the future
You, my child, my missing piece.
So many years I was isolated from you and myself-
Now my pain is clean
I still don’t know WHY, but I know I have a right to grieve and
remember and acknowledge what you mean and meant to me.
Strange, now at 83, I truly feel like I can go on.

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