I Wanted So Much More For You
Maria LaFond Visscher 
In memory of Kristina Marie Visscher 

I wanted so much more for you, my sweet little baby.
I wanted to change your diapers, not my life.
I wanted to nurse you, not my grief.
I wanted to dress you up, not bury you down.
I wanted to hear the sounds of you crying for me at night,
not my own sounds crying for you.
I wanted so much more for you,
my innocent, misconceived baby.

I wanted to watch you grow, not the grass upon your grave.
I wanted to see you asleep in the crib, not in this casket.
I wanted to give you life, not death.
I wanted to show you off, not alone go on.
I wanted to comb your fuzzy hair, not save a lock of it.
I wanted to pick up after you, not put down my dreams for you.
I wanted to hold you in my arms, not this doll.
I wanted to walk you late at night, not my fears.
I wanted so much more for you,
my newly born, my newly gone – child.

I wanted so much more,
I wanted so much – I wanted – I wanted you.
In memory of Kristina Marie Visscher,
born May 10, 1993 at 8:30 p.m.
and died of anencephaly at 8:39 p.m.